In case you were wondering (worried, bored, confused…), my blog will NOT consist of whinings about me being single and blah blah blah. I actually think single is a pretty good color on me. And it’s made for some incredible, ridiculous, incredibly ridiculous adventures.
At GeekU I put my liver through some serious boot camp/enlistment, and upon graduation I promptly forgot to become a grown-up in that respect. So, even though some of these stories might bring shame to my family and cause me to die of embarrassment, I think I’m game to post them here for the world to see.
So check back in because my ‘what the bejeesus just happened?!’ moments are O’ plenty.
;)
Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The One With All the Weddings
My wedding is going to be incredible.
Seriously. There are a few people who tell me on a regular basis that they’re looking forward to it, in an I’m-gonna-party-like-it’s-1999 kinda way. No matter that I’m not currently nor am I anywhere close to being one-half of a “we.” Or, that in 1999, I was 14, hadn’t met my friends Jack and Jim, and thus had yet to learn the true meaning of the word party.
I digress.
It’s going to be a big deal. And I’m only planning on doing it ONCE.
One and done. Thankyouverymuch.
I was a sociology major, with some dabblings in psych and women’s studies, so I know the stats. As soon as my prince charming bends down on one knee and blinds me with that giant rock while he pops the question, the following things will be running through my head: Is this really happening? Am I sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Yes. Yes I am. Look at that rock! But…well, has his hairline been receding lately without me noticing? Eek. Oh my god what if he never learns that boxer shorts and socks worn with nothing else is not even a remotely attractive ensemble? Double Eek. Will we call off the engagement in a bridezilla-esque blow out over me not wanting to invite his crazy uncle that always smells like booze and thinks my eyes are at boob-level to the wedding?! Oof. And then, finally, if we do make it to the big day…will we be part of the 50% of couples that don’t make it ‘till the cows come home?
My point: having more than one husband in my lifetime is not something that is on my to-do list. As annoying as I find Mr. and Mrs. Smith v.1 –Will and Jada, not Brad and Ange– they have a point with the whole “divorce is not an option” thing.
I, like Ross, would take serious issue with having a marriage come to an end. Granted, three divorces* is a LOT. While it wasn’t his fault that his first wife was a lesbian, it WAS his fault that his called his second wife the wrong name at the altar and was wasted when he married his third. Regardless of the circumstance, I don’t think I want divorce to be my THING any more than he did.
When marriage becomes next logical step in a relationship, rather than the last stop on the train**, it seems like any issue, big or small, can morph into a life-changing deal-breaker.
Which means a lot of time and money is wasted celebrating something that has a shelf life.
Methinks a marriage is an event that a person should only be the star of once in a lifetime, with a co-star that knows what they’re doing and won’t bail mid-shoot. Call me old fashioned, but the words, “I will love and cherish you forever” follow the law of diminishing returns (dabbled in econ too!): after the first time, each time they're employed you’re getting less bang for your buck.
What do you think? Are we so out-with-the-old and in-with-the-hot-new-cabana-boy/girl (depending on your swing) that “I do” just means “Yeah, okay. For now.”? Does it really make sense to have a big bash with a white dress and an open bar if you’ve already done it once (or twice) before?
Or should I just give in and be on the lookout for Ex-Hubby #1?
__________________________________________________
*Season 6, Episode 1.
**With rides! And fun things to keep you happy! And presents! This stop is a very fulfilling and amazing stop is my point.
Now playing: Tracy Chapman - Wedding Song
via FoxyTunes
Seriously. There are a few people who tell me on a regular basis that they’re looking forward to it, in an I’m-gonna-party-like-it’s-1999 kinda way. No matter that I’m not currently nor am I anywhere close to being one-half of a “we.” Or, that in 1999, I was 14, hadn’t met my friends Jack and Jim, and thus had yet to learn the true meaning of the word party.
I digress.
It’s going to be a big deal. And I’m only planning on doing it ONCE.
One and done. Thankyouverymuch.
I was a sociology major, with some dabblings in psych and women’s studies, so I know the stats. As soon as my prince charming bends down on one knee and blinds me with that giant rock while he pops the question, the following things will be running through my head: Is this really happening? Am I sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Yes. Yes I am. Look at that rock! But…well, has his hairline been receding lately without me noticing? Eek. Oh my god what if he never learns that boxer shorts and socks worn with nothing else is not even a remotely attractive ensemble? Double Eek. Will we call off the engagement in a bridezilla-esque blow out over me not wanting to invite his crazy uncle that always smells like booze and thinks my eyes are at boob-level to the wedding?! Oof. And then, finally, if we do make it to the big day…will we be part of the 50% of couples that don’t make it ‘till the cows come home?
My point: having more than one husband in my lifetime is not something that is on my to-do list. As annoying as I find Mr. and Mrs. Smith v.1 –Will and Jada, not Brad and Ange– they have a point with the whole “divorce is not an option” thing.
I, like Ross, would take serious issue with having a marriage come to an end. Granted, three divorces* is a LOT. While it wasn’t his fault that his first wife was a lesbian, it WAS his fault that his called his second wife the wrong name at the altar and was wasted when he married his third. Regardless of the circumstance, I don’t think I want divorce to be my THING any more than he did.
When marriage becomes next logical step in a relationship, rather than the last stop on the train**, it seems like any issue, big or small, can morph into a life-changing deal-breaker.
Which means a lot of time and money is wasted celebrating something that has a shelf life.
Methinks a marriage is an event that a person should only be the star of once in a lifetime, with a co-star that knows what they’re doing and won’t bail mid-shoot. Call me old fashioned, but the words, “I will love and cherish you forever” follow the law of diminishing returns (dabbled in econ too!): after the first time, each time they're employed you’re getting less bang for your buck.
What do you think? Are we so out-with-the-old and in-with-the-hot-new-cabana-boy/girl (depending on your swing) that “I do” just means “Yeah, okay. For now.”? Does it really make sense to have a big bash with a white dress and an open bar if you’ve already done it once (or twice) before?
Or should I just give in and be on the lookout for Ex-Hubby #1?
__________________________________________________
*Season 6, Episode 1.
**With rides! And fun things to keep you happy! And presents! This stop is a very fulfilling and amazing stop is my point.
Now playing: Tracy Chapman - Wedding Song
via FoxyTunes
The First One
I might be single for the rest of my life.
Well.
Probably not. BUT, I’m fully convinced every time the ‘old-cat-lady’ fantasy goes running through my head that I’m a little bit psychic.
That’s not to say that I’ve never been…not single. In fact, for a good 5.5 – 6.8 years (depending on who you ask and what kind of mood they’re in) I was in a loving, amazing, crazy, totally unhealthy at times but ultimately life-changing relationship with a person I thought was my soul mate. And then it ended.
More on that later.
But, every once upon a time, (translation: every other day, sometimes more) I ask myself, “Self, how are you still on the market? You’re smart, you love football and know the rules (that’s how I know you’re for reals), and hell, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed...” And every time I’m greeted with, “(Shrug) When’s the Pats game on?”
So.
I’m detailing my search for the answer to that nagging question in part for accountability (hell, I have to start being honest with myself at some point and consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, my chronic singledom could perhaps be due to my tendency to fall asleep with Friends* DVDs blaring in the background or occasionally putting empty containers back in the refrigerator because the garbage is full) and in part to spare my friends having to hear about it anymore (I’m sensing an intervention may not be too far on the horizon).
Also, it will give me a place to showcase my ability to create long and meandering run-on sentences. Huzzah!
Here I go.
‘Cause my life’s a joke, I’m broke, and my love life is most definitely DOA.**
__________________________________________________
*Brownie points to you if you read that and, with the title, can spot the soon-to-be recurring theme;)
**Ditto.
Now playing: Britney Spears - Toy Soldier
via FoxyTunes
Well.
Probably not. BUT, I’m fully convinced every time the ‘old-cat-lady’ fantasy goes running through my head that I’m a little bit psychic.
That’s not to say that I’ve never been…not single. In fact, for a good 5.5 – 6.8 years (depending on who you ask and what kind of mood they’re in) I was in a loving, amazing, crazy, totally unhealthy at times but ultimately life-changing relationship with a person I thought was my soul mate. And then it ended.
More on that later.
But, every once upon a time, (translation: every other day, sometimes more) I ask myself, “Self, how are you still on the market? You’re smart, you love football and know the rules (that’s how I know you’re for reals), and hell, I wouldn’t kick you out of bed...” And every time I’m greeted with, “(Shrug) When’s the Pats game on?”
So.
I’m detailing my search for the answer to that nagging question in part for accountability (hell, I have to start being honest with myself at some point and consider the fact that maybe, just maybe, my chronic singledom could perhaps be due to my tendency to fall asleep with Friends* DVDs blaring in the background or occasionally putting empty containers back in the refrigerator because the garbage is full) and in part to spare my friends having to hear about it anymore (I’m sensing an intervention may not be too far on the horizon).
Also, it will give me a place to showcase my ability to create long and meandering run-on sentences. Huzzah!
Here I go.
‘Cause my life’s a joke, I’m broke, and my love life is most definitely DOA.**
__________________________________________________
*Brownie points to you if you read that and, with the title, can spot the soon-to-be recurring theme;)
**Ditto.
Now playing: Britney Spears - Toy Soldier
via FoxyTunes
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