Made a rookie facebook/dating mistake that I shouldn't have. Why is the "add as friend" button so tempting and innocent looking until you actually click the damn thing? Sometimes you're lucky and the waiting game only lasts a few hours. Sometimes you're not. All the time you immediately regret putting yourself out there if you're not 100% sure they'll accept.
When did social network interactions become more stressful than their real world counterparts?
Oof. Lesson learned. Moving on. I think.
Here's for hoping the universe takes pity on me and spins this in my favor? Please?
UPDATE: Would you look at that? Accepted. Out of my misery. On the facebook front, that is.
Now playing: Britney Spears - Oops!... I Did It Again
via FoxyTunes
Showing posts with label Random Ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Ramblings. Show all posts
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
The One With the Facebook Dilemma (Pt. 1)
I realized a few days ago, as I was integrating my Twitter account with my BlackBerry, Facebook, not MySpace, and Ze Blog, that there are a lot of ways for people to constantly be in the know about not that much about me. Honestly, if I sneeze, I have a direct line to inform about 1,700 people should I feel they urgently need that information. They don’t, so I don’t, but still.
As usual, I digress.
The updating of my Newsfeed or Twitterfeed or whateverfeed isn’t what is angsting me out today though – it's who has access to that feed - it is the age old, long-pondered over question: To friend, or not to friend?
Cyberstalking is as old as dirt, or Google, but it is definitely the go-to tool for finding out too much information before you should, in theory, rightfully have it. Honestly, do I need to know that my crush LOOOOVVEESSSS Whitesnake before we’ve even shared appetizers? Probably not. But these are the kinds of tidbits of information that we squeeze out from the premature scouring of the social networking sites of our potential paramours.
Now. I try to stay away from this where I can – seeing pictures of old girlfriends or MySpace backdrops of topless girls on motorcycles are things that I’m best equipped to absorbed after I’ve completely determined that the person is single and not a total horn dog. But, it necessitates an answer to the question: When is the appropriate time to commence your virtual relationship alongside your real-life one? When do you click that “add as friend” button without it being too early? Too late?
Think about it.
If you go on a few dates with a guy, when should he have access to the virtual self you’ve set up for yourself online? When do you want access to his? And if things don’t work out, do you dump them online too or are they now forever licensed to know when you update your picture or go from “single” to “in a relationship” with someone who made it past the 5th date? If someone friends you – do you HAVE to accept right away? Can you leave them in friend purgatory until you figure it out?
It seems like a lot of pressure is packed into this pretty loaded action. Inviting someone into your virtual circle allows them access to all your pictures, thoughts, opinions, whatever you’ve decided to put out there. I know sometimes my opinions of a person live and die by what they’ve crafted as their virtual presence, and while my online self is borderline as fabulous as my real-life self, I don’t know if this is the criteria I would like to be judged upon.
More on this later…
Now playing: Eva Cassidy - You don't Know me
via FoxyTunes
As usual, I digress.
The updating of my Newsfeed or Twitterfeed or whateverfeed isn’t what is angsting me out today though – it's who has access to that feed - it is the age old, long-pondered over question: To friend, or not to friend?
Cyberstalking is as old as dirt, or Google, but it is definitely the go-to tool for finding out too much information before you should, in theory, rightfully have it. Honestly, do I need to know that my crush LOOOOVVEESSSS Whitesnake before we’ve even shared appetizers? Probably not. But these are the kinds of tidbits of information that we squeeze out from the premature scouring of the social networking sites of our potential paramours.
Now. I try to stay away from this where I can – seeing pictures of old girlfriends or MySpace backdrops of topless girls on motorcycles are things that I’m best equipped to absorbed after I’ve completely determined that the person is single and not a total horn dog. But, it necessitates an answer to the question: When is the appropriate time to commence your virtual relationship alongside your real-life one? When do you click that “add as friend” button without it being too early? Too late?
Think about it.
If you go on a few dates with a guy, when should he have access to the virtual self you’ve set up for yourself online? When do you want access to his? And if things don’t work out, do you dump them online too or are they now forever licensed to know when you update your picture or go from “single” to “in a relationship” with someone who made it past the 5th date? If someone friends you – do you HAVE to accept right away? Can you leave them in friend purgatory until you figure it out?
It seems like a lot of pressure is packed into this pretty loaded action. Inviting someone into your virtual circle allows them access to all your pictures, thoughts, opinions, whatever you’ve decided to put out there. I know sometimes my opinions of a person live and die by what they’ve crafted as their virtual presence, and while my online self is borderline as fabulous as my real-life self, I don’t know if this is the criteria I would like to be judged upon.
Now playing: Eva Cassidy - You don't Know me
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The One With The Nothing Fight
Okay. You know what The Nothing Fight is, yes? If not, click here.
(Sorry about the anime? Let’s just be creative and say it adds a new dimension to the point.)
Anyway.
Now that we’re all caught up, and possibly hankering for some Dragonball-Z, here’s what I don’t get – why would ANYONE, much less seemingly competent people who function normally in all other aspects of their life, be content to stay in a relationship that is constantly steeped in conflict?
Disclaimer: Despite the potential entertainment value that you’d think I’d get as a single woman seeing “happy couples” around me fight, I gain no joy from seeing strangers, friends, or co-workers is situations like this for two reasons. 1) I really feel bad for couples who are genuinely unhappy but for some reason can’t get themselves out of a toxic relationship and 2) because it makes me feel like a big two-headed freak that two people who borderline HATE each other have standing Friday night dates and a steady source of jollies - but I don’t.
Moving on.
While it’s admittedly been a while since I’ve been in a relationship long enough for a deal-breaker to surface and have my first thought be, “How do I deal with this?” instead of “Hmmm…wonder how long I should wait until I unfriend this tool on Facebook,” I really don’t understand the point of staying with a person who you can’t stand more frequently than you can.
Let me draw you a little picture of how this works in my mind:
As you can see, my threshold is low. While my list of deal-breakers may seem petty to some of my friends (like the fact that I can’t stand a person who has no ability to differentiate between homonyms [“your” and “you’re” are TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS PEOPLE]), one of the biggest, most non-negotiable ones is a basic lack of respect and appreciation for each other in the relationship. During almost every fight that I’ve gotten into with a significant other I’ve had the distinct feeling that the person was being crazy, an idiot, or both. Now, if this holds true, then that means that there are a bunch of couples walking around at any given time that are harboring ugly thoughts for the person that their with for a significant amount of time. That’s a big sign to get out, yes? Aren’t these fights a symptom of a relationship that has run its course?
Apparently not.
I don’t know. I don’t have the answer on this kiddies. It’s totally possible that I throw relationships away before I’m ready to make the grown-up sacrifice of dealing with Nothing Fights. Is there a ratio of Good to Bad that people go by? If you only fight 30% of the time, is that cool?
The best I can come up with is that maybe for some people fighting is a way to show that they care. Or maybe the people who have the most numerous, most ridiculous Nothing Fights have makeup sex soooooo good they’d rather hate the crap out of each other than give it up?
You tell me.
UPDATE: Upon further thought - this is what the graph really should look like.
Once I've reached my threshold, a fight about where we're going for dinner could potentially make me abandon ship. Plus, always title your graphs, kids. :)
Now playing: Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
via FoxyTunes
(Sorry about the anime? Let’s just be creative and say it adds a new dimension to the point.)
Anyway.
Now that we’re all caught up, and possibly hankering for some Dragonball-Z, here’s what I don’t get – why would ANYONE, much less seemingly competent people who function normally in all other aspects of their life, be content to stay in a relationship that is constantly steeped in conflict?
Disclaimer: Despite the potential entertainment value that you’d think I’d get as a single woman seeing “happy couples” around me fight, I gain no joy from seeing strangers, friends, or co-workers is situations like this for two reasons. 1) I really feel bad for couples who are genuinely unhappy but for some reason can’t get themselves out of a toxic relationship and 2) because it makes me feel like a big two-headed freak that two people who borderline HATE each other have standing Friday night dates and a steady source of jollies - but I don’t.
Moving on.
While it’s admittedly been a while since I’ve been in a relationship long enough for a deal-breaker to surface and have my first thought be, “How do I deal with this?” instead of “Hmmm…wonder how long I should wait until I unfriend this tool on Facebook,” I really don’t understand the point of staying with a person who you can’t stand more frequently than you can.
Let me draw you a little picture of how this works in my mind:
As you can see, my threshold is low. While my list of deal-breakers may seem petty to some of my friends (like the fact that I can’t stand a person who has no ability to differentiate between homonyms [“your” and “you’re” are TWO ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS PEOPLE]), one of the biggest, most non-negotiable ones is a basic lack of respect and appreciation for each other in the relationship. During almost every fight that I’ve gotten into with a significant other I’ve had the distinct feeling that the person was being crazy, an idiot, or both. Now, if this holds true, then that means that there are a bunch of couples walking around at any given time that are harboring ugly thoughts for the person that their with for a significant amount of time. That’s a big sign to get out, yes? Aren’t these fights a symptom of a relationship that has run its course?
Apparently not.
I don’t know. I don’t have the answer on this kiddies. It’s totally possible that I throw relationships away before I’m ready to make the grown-up sacrifice of dealing with Nothing Fights. Is there a ratio of Good to Bad that people go by? If you only fight 30% of the time, is that cool?
The best I can come up with is that maybe for some people fighting is a way to show that they care. Or maybe the people who have the most numerous, most ridiculous Nothing Fights have makeup sex soooooo good they’d rather hate the crap out of each other than give it up?
You tell me.
UPDATE: Upon further thought - this is what the graph really should look like.
Once I've reached my threshold, a fight about where we're going for dinner could potentially make me abandon ship. Plus, always title your graphs, kids. :)
Now playing: Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
The One With the Disclaimer
In case you were wondering (worried, bored, confused…), my blog will NOT consist of whinings about me being single and blah blah blah. I actually think single is a pretty good color on me. And it’s made for some incredible, ridiculous, incredibly ridiculous adventures.
At GeekU I put my liver through some serious boot camp/enlistment, and upon graduation I promptly forgot to become a grown-up in that respect. So, even though some of these stories might bring shame to my family and cause me to die of embarrassment, I think I’m game to post them here for the world to see.
So check back in because my ‘what the bejeesus just happened?!’ moments are O’ plenty.
;)
Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
via FoxyTunes
At GeekU I put my liver through some serious boot camp/enlistment, and upon graduation I promptly forgot to become a grown-up in that respect. So, even though some of these stories might bring shame to my family and cause me to die of embarrassment, I think I’m game to post them here for the world to see.
So check back in because my ‘what the bejeesus just happened?!’ moments are O’ plenty.
;)
Now playing: Ozzy Osbourne - Crazy Train
via FoxyTunes
The One With All the Weddings
My wedding is going to be incredible.
Seriously. There are a few people who tell me on a regular basis that they’re looking forward to it, in an I’m-gonna-party-like-it’s-1999 kinda way. No matter that I’m not currently nor am I anywhere close to being one-half of a “we.” Or, that in 1999, I was 14, hadn’t met my friends Jack and Jim, and thus had yet to learn the true meaning of the word party.
I digress.
It’s going to be a big deal. And I’m only planning on doing it ONCE.
One and done. Thankyouverymuch.
I was a sociology major, with some dabblings in psych and women’s studies, so I know the stats. As soon as my prince charming bends down on one knee and blinds me with that giant rock while he pops the question, the following things will be running through my head: Is this really happening? Am I sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Yes. Yes I am. Look at that rock! But…well, has his hairline been receding lately without me noticing? Eek. Oh my god what if he never learns that boxer shorts and socks worn with nothing else is not even a remotely attractive ensemble? Double Eek. Will we call off the engagement in a bridezilla-esque blow out over me not wanting to invite his crazy uncle that always smells like booze and thinks my eyes are at boob-level to the wedding?! Oof. And then, finally, if we do make it to the big day…will we be part of the 50% of couples that don’t make it ‘till the cows come home?
My point: having more than one husband in my lifetime is not something that is on my to-do list. As annoying as I find Mr. and Mrs. Smith v.1 –Will and Jada, not Brad and Ange– they have a point with the whole “divorce is not an option” thing.
I, like Ross, would take serious issue with having a marriage come to an end. Granted, three divorces* is a LOT. While it wasn’t his fault that his first wife was a lesbian, it WAS his fault that his called his second wife the wrong name at the altar and was wasted when he married his third. Regardless of the circumstance, I don’t think I want divorce to be my THING any more than he did.
When marriage becomes next logical step in a relationship, rather than the last stop on the train**, it seems like any issue, big or small, can morph into a life-changing deal-breaker.
Which means a lot of time and money is wasted celebrating something that has a shelf life.
Methinks a marriage is an event that a person should only be the star of once in a lifetime, with a co-star that knows what they’re doing and won’t bail mid-shoot. Call me old fashioned, but the words, “I will love and cherish you forever” follow the law of diminishing returns (dabbled in econ too!): after the first time, each time they're employed you’re getting less bang for your buck.
What do you think? Are we so out-with-the-old and in-with-the-hot-new-cabana-boy/girl (depending on your swing) that “I do” just means “Yeah, okay. For now.”? Does it really make sense to have a big bash with a white dress and an open bar if you’ve already done it once (or twice) before?
Or should I just give in and be on the lookout for Ex-Hubby #1?
__________________________________________________
*Season 6, Episode 1.
**With rides! And fun things to keep you happy! And presents! This stop is a very fulfilling and amazing stop is my point.
Now playing: Tracy Chapman - Wedding Song
via FoxyTunes
Seriously. There are a few people who tell me on a regular basis that they’re looking forward to it, in an I’m-gonna-party-like-it’s-1999 kinda way. No matter that I’m not currently nor am I anywhere close to being one-half of a “we.” Or, that in 1999, I was 14, hadn’t met my friends Jack and Jim, and thus had yet to learn the true meaning of the word party.
I digress.
It’s going to be a big deal. And I’m only planning on doing it ONCE.
One and done. Thankyouverymuch.
I was a sociology major, with some dabblings in psych and women’s studies, so I know the stats. As soon as my prince charming bends down on one knee and blinds me with that giant rock while he pops the question, the following things will be running through my head: Is this really happening? Am I sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him? Yes. Yes I am. Look at that rock! But…well, has his hairline been receding lately without me noticing? Eek. Oh my god what if he never learns that boxer shorts and socks worn with nothing else is not even a remotely attractive ensemble? Double Eek. Will we call off the engagement in a bridezilla-esque blow out over me not wanting to invite his crazy uncle that always smells like booze and thinks my eyes are at boob-level to the wedding?! Oof. And then, finally, if we do make it to the big day…will we be part of the 50% of couples that don’t make it ‘till the cows come home?
My point: having more than one husband in my lifetime is not something that is on my to-do list. As annoying as I find Mr. and Mrs. Smith v.1 –Will and Jada, not Brad and Ange– they have a point with the whole “divorce is not an option” thing.
I, like Ross, would take serious issue with having a marriage come to an end. Granted, three divorces* is a LOT. While it wasn’t his fault that his first wife was a lesbian, it WAS his fault that his called his second wife the wrong name at the altar and was wasted when he married his third. Regardless of the circumstance, I don’t think I want divorce to be my THING any more than he did.
When marriage becomes next logical step in a relationship, rather than the last stop on the train**, it seems like any issue, big or small, can morph into a life-changing deal-breaker.
Which means a lot of time and money is wasted celebrating something that has a shelf life.
Methinks a marriage is an event that a person should only be the star of once in a lifetime, with a co-star that knows what they’re doing and won’t bail mid-shoot. Call me old fashioned, but the words, “I will love and cherish you forever” follow the law of diminishing returns (dabbled in econ too!): after the first time, each time they're employed you’re getting less bang for your buck.
What do you think? Are we so out-with-the-old and in-with-the-hot-new-cabana-boy/girl (depending on your swing) that “I do” just means “Yeah, okay. For now.”? Does it really make sense to have a big bash with a white dress and an open bar if you’ve already done it once (or twice) before?
Or should I just give in and be on the lookout for Ex-Hubby #1?
__________________________________________________
*Season 6, Episode 1.
**With rides! And fun things to keep you happy! And presents! This stop is a very fulfilling and amazing stop is my point.
Now playing: Tracy Chapman - Wedding Song
via FoxyTunes
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
